Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize