one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
