Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
