Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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