10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
