i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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