I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
