I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
