her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
