You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
