I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize