people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
