i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
