last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
