Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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