Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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