jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize