his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
