When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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