I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
