I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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