You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
