just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize