Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
