It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
