dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
