I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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