nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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