just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize