So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
