Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Green mimosas i think yes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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