"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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