Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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