My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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