I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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