he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
