Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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