ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
