I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
