Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
