Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
