i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
