Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
