Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
