Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
