i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
