dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
