to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
