Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
