Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
