we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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