I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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