His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
should my penis look like a turkey
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize