And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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