What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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