Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize