Can i not drive my cunt home
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
