why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize