Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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