so explain again why im purple
no
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
