You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
