Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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