your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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