I want to make a zoo with you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize