Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
