I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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