He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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