Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
