And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
