So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
