we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
