plz talk dirty to me
so that wasnt chicken after all
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
