I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
