we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
