Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
