please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
