it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
