So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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