when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
