forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
