i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
