Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
