...so i touched it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize