I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
