You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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