we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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