There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
