Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
organizing the empties. That sober.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
