Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
