looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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