I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
