summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
