Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
