Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
