Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
