I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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