i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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