I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
