your room smells of hookers.
And success
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
