i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
